#23762311 Offering Snacks That Aren't On The Table

I feel like a kidnapper in one of those scenes where the police tell them to put down the gun and let the hostage go. Only the gun and the hostage are pretzels, and the cop is a toddler - "PUT IT DOWN! I WANT IT DOWN!". Under no circumstances (today) can a snack be eaten if it is not put on the table first! I had no idea. I should really brush up on toddler etiquette.
Tonight is the preschool open house at his school. Killian's class will be revealing a mural they've been working on. I'll post pictures when I get the chance.

School and Ice Cream - a week of firsts.

Killian had his first day of school last Thursday. He came home from his first day with his first sorta-bad word - "STUPID". John and I couldn't help but laugh (we hid our smiles behind napkins) as he repeated it about 40 times during dinner! Then Saturday I took him to Beth Marie's on the Denton square and he had his first ice cream cone. Of course I left the wet wipes at home and had to hose him down in the bathroom! He loved it!

Want to Save Money At the Grocery Store? Just Bring My 2 Year-Old!

After a long shopping trip at Target today, I ended up with absolutely no groceries at no cost! How? I bought K some lunch that came with chicken strips and apple slices. We made it about a quarter-turn around the store before he finished the chicken, then I brought out the apples. Big mistake on my part, I should have known that he wanted grapes. He proceeded to scream "GRAPES!!!!" at the top of his lungs while sobbing and displaying his most fabulous face full of snot and drool, all while thrashing in the cart as if transformed from my cute little toddler into a rabid, caged wild animal. After about two aisles of trying to ignore him and all of the eyeballs on us, I grabbed my bag, pulled him out of the cart kicking and screaming, left all of our groceries (SORRY TARGET EMPLOYEES!) and left the store.
Ugh.

A Rant About Daycare, and Hooray K's 2! or vice versa...

Before I rant, let me apologize for not posting! It seems like now that K's 2, everything is a faux pas. It's been hard to tear myself away from putting him in timeout to post. Besides, sometimes I have no idea why he's upset, he's just freaking out like he needs an exorcism for no good reason. The good news is that along with the terribleness of twodom, we're also blessed with so many good things about this age. He talks (all the time) and we understand about 60% of it and can fill in the blanks of what we don't. He's getting so big (97th percentile) and is extremely handsome, if I do say so myself! He's great and wonderful (except for his crazy stinky feet) and healthy and we're so grateful for that!
Alright, on to my rant. Let me qualify this by saying that I am spending a ridiculous amount and accruing more debt than I care to acknowledge to send K to one of the best schools in the area. I can barely (actually, no, I can't) afford to pay the base tuition, and on top of that they tack on a bunch of fees and make me join a PTA group with dues, etc. So we are struggling with just getting him in there, let alone all the extra stuff we can purchase: before/after care, lunches, milk, etc., etc., etc. I try to be very conservative with the extra stuff, because we're broke as it is! When I registered him for summer school and went in to pay for it, they asked me IF I would like to purchase snow cones, and if so, how many (they're $1 each). I decided that he probably didn't need one every day and opted for 1 a week for the duration of the summer session. Today, I received a bill in the mail from his school with an itemized bill for $2. YES, $2. Apparently, they decided that he needed more than 5 DIXIE CUPS (that's right, tiny little paper dixie cups) full of flavored ice, so they've given him two extra already (they session is only half over) and they're sending me a BILL for TWO DOLLARS. I realize I'm being petty, but why couldn't they say "We're going to give your kid X amount of flavored ice whether you approve or not, so you owe us X amount, added to your already outrageous tuition and fees", instead of asking me how many I would like him to have? Now I'm not a crazy, prude of a mom who never lets her kid have any sweets, I just think they should be saved for semi-special occasions. Like, "Hooray, it's Friday - lets have snow cones!", not like, "Hey, we're trying to nickel and dime your mommy to death, so we're going to give you as many snow cones as we want!"
ARGH!

Naptime Drama

I feel like a horrible mommy! Killian used to be a great sleeper until I took away his pacifiers last friday, now he's fighting me tooth and nail! I'm tempted to give back the paci's but then we'll have to do this all over again! Ugh! The picture above is K after he laid down on a pile of his teddy bears by the back door and said "Night night"!

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Daddy Day!

John and Killian were so cute this morning I had to post pictures! Mom (AKA Gramma) if you're reading this, Killian only wants to play with the penguin water fountain when it's not a fountain. John attached the hose to it and Killian threw a fit - guess that's another toddler faux pas!

Cold Turkey Pacifier Removal

I've never allowed Killian to have free-reign with his pacifier, its always been for bedtime/naps only. But lately he's been really fighting to keep it after he wakes up and I thought it would be best to get rid of it before it really becomes a problem. John (my DH) is camping @ an SCA event this weekend, so I figured it would be a good time to try something that might keep everybody up at night. Killian successfully slept through the night and is currently napping with no pacifier! Bedtime was pretty easy, naptime was another story! He wasn't having it and I wasn't giving in, so we were at a standstill. I tried everything to get him to stay in his bed and take a nap, and he thwarted all of my attempts. I took a minute, prayed to God that Killian would calm down and that I would regain some patience, then I went back in with my secret weapon - head rubs. After about a minute he was out like a light! Woohoo! Hopefully we'll have continued success and he'll be good to go for school on Tuesday!

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Rock-a-bye Baby

I recently discovered that if I start singing rock-a-bye baby, Killian will come running and give me a hug. God I love that kid!
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Toddler Faux Pas Contest Entries/Winner!!!

These were the top 4 entries (ok, the ONLY entries!) in the Toddler Faux Pas Contest:

#4 BLUEBERRIES from Heather
This entry is actually a repost from Heather's blog http://mommylettersforj.blogspot.com/2009/04/blueberries.html/ It's a really cute video of her son upset because he's out of blueberries. I've never seen a toddler so in touch with his feelings. Good faux pas, but it just wasn't a big enough melt-down to win the prize!

#3 KETCHUP from Renee
It is a faux pas to try to convince your toddler that ketchup does not taste good on apples. Your toddler will look at you like you are insane because ketchup tastes good on EVERYTHING. At least that's what my daughter thought when she was a toddler--and still thinks now that she's almost three :)

#2 NAKED POTTY TRAINING by Tracy http://littleluckyme.blogspot.com/
Never try to discipline your toddler when you're trying the let-run-around-naked-to-see-if-we-can-potty-train-you routine. It's bad news. I tried it today and got peed on with a full bladder juice and water from a little girl that insisted she couldn't go just minutes before. Followed by an "oops, mommy, potty!" 5 minutes later under the dining room table, and an informative "oops, poo poo!" minutes after that. Grr, potty training, why must you be so elusive?

#1 HAND-ME-DOWN from Dixie
Never hand down the 3 years old's dress that she has outgrown to the 18 month old unless you are 100 % positive that she has no memory of ever wearing it herself.
Don't do this with any article of clothing for that matter. You will hear screams of "Mine" and wails of protest reverberate throughout the house, and after you remove the outgrown article of clothing to restore the peace, the 3 year old will insist on wearing the ill-fitting item for the next several days.

After running these by my review board (AKA, my friend Megan), Dixie and her hand-me-down dress faux pas won hands down. Thanks for the submissions, ladies!

Tub Poo - Guest Post!

Thanks to Crystal at Lessons in the Little Stuff for this guest post:

TUB POO

My darling bambino had her first tub poo this morning. If you have children, I'm sure you know what I'm referring to. It took nearly a year...I was beginning to think that my astoundingly intellectual child was going to skip the tub poo phase altogether. I dreaded the day of finding that first floating [insert your favorite kiddie word for poo here]. But alas. Today was the day. The bath was finished. The tub was drained. I turned my back for a minute to throw my hair into a ponytail (multi-tasking is my middle name). Looking back, I remember the little grunts but I must have mistaken them for the effort it takes her to bend over with her chubby little pot belly as she grabs a toy. When I turned back to snatch her out of the tub, the sight that met me was horrifying. Not only was the poo there, but tiny tot was tenatively beginning to play with it. Oh, the horror! The disgust! How I gagged as I grabbed her and began scrubbing her little hands to rid them of any traces of that disgraceful...poo. She looked at me in bewilderment as I tried to keep my breakfast down. After all, mama...it's just poo. And look at how squishy it is!So, as it turns out, my child is not above tub poo. The dreaded day has arrived. And from here on out, I am forced to keep my eyes peeled for any signs of unexpected visitors. Sigh.You just gotta love being a mom.

Painting!

Toddler Rule #156,225,338: Do not offer paint, until you know where the painting supplies are. Crayons are not an accessible substitute!
I love his painting face:

Abused Toddler: "No Green Pillowcase!!!"

Killian is accustomed to sleeping on the pirate bedding set (shown above). After a peesplosion this morning, all of his bedding had to be washed and wasn't dry before nap time. Warning, the action I'm about to describe may be offensive to toddlers, do not attempt this at home. I made the mistake of thinking that any pillowcase would do, and put the green pillowcase shown above on the pillow and placed it on his bed. Killian, deeply offended by this action, launched a screaming, kicking, sobbing fit and threw the horrible pillow off the bed! Granted, I agree with his decorating taste, but COME ON, it's just a pillowcase!

Goldfish In A Cardboard Tube - NOOOOO!!!!!!

Killian was "helping" me cook last night by sitting in his high chair while I tried to distract him. He LOVES the children's cookware I bought at Ikea this weekend (pictures above). Here's a link: http://www.ikea.com/us/en/catalog/products/20130166
I made the mistake of first giving him the empty tube (in the picture above), then taking it back and putting goldfish in it. You would think I strangled Elmo! Which isn't a bad idea now that I think about it.
I had to switch hair dressers last night and the new lady asked me if Killian was potty trained yet. The boy isn't even 2 years old, he shows zero interest in using the potty for anything other than playing in the water. Should we be potty training at this point?
I am attempting to potty train our new puppy. Killian is fascinated with her bodily functions. The other day I caught him playing in a pee puddle and had to do the thing where you pick up the toddler and attempt to hold them as far away as possible, then try to start a bath without letting them touch anything. It's not easy! He also tries to touch her poo outside whenever he gets the chance. I can't wait to tell him about this when he's older! =)
Only 1 person has submitted their toddler faux pas as of this morning, so you still have a really good chance of winning that $5 Amazon gift card! Send your favorite toddler faux pas to cynthiaedelaney@gmail.com before 5/15/09 to enter!
Have a good one!
-Cynthia

Toddler Faux Pas CONTEST!

1. If two toddlers are playing with an empty box, never, never, NEVER put a dinosaur in the box. All hell will break loose.
2. Don't assume that all balls are the same - you can't just replace one ball with another and expect your toddler not to notice.
3. Expect a meltdown if you are playing outside and decide to come inside. Inside sucks.

I've been dealing with an increasing number of toddler faux pas lately, so I thought I'd change the name/address of my blog to make it more descriptive. I could write a book on all of the toddler faux pas I've encountered over the last year or so - and it seems like it's getting worse the closer Killian gets to the big 2. Or is it only worse because I'm the big 30 approaching 31?!?

To kick off the new site, I'd like to have a little contest. Email your best toddler faux pas along with your name and email address to cynthiaedelaney@gmail.com. I'll send a $5 amazon gift card code to the winner and post their faux pas here, contest ends May 15th, 2009.

Scamming the Scammer pt 3 (the end?!?!)

Date: Thu, 23 Apr 2009 21:11:10 +0100
Subject: Re: PAYMENT DETAILS
From: reverendchapis@gmail.com
get back to me with the name you use in sending the money and also the address so that i can forward the information to the shipping agent for shipment to take place.
Regards

MY RESPONSE:
I sent the money to you, Reverend Chapis:
My name: Cynthia Delaney
Address: 1600 Pennsylvania Ave.
Phone Number: 212-420-8800
City: Toad Suck
State: AR
Zip Code: 72032
Nearest Airport: Texarkana Regional Airport
Thanks!!!
(FYI - that's the # for the church of Satan)

Date: Thu, 23 Apr 2009 21:19:19 +0100
Subject: Re: PAYMENT DETAILS
From: reverendchapis@gmail.com
I will like to verify if the money is availbale for pick up so that i can go ahead and pick the money as soon as i confirm it today shipment will take place.
Regards

MY RESPONSE:
Go for it!

Date: Thu, 23 Apr 2009 13:29:52 -0700
Subject: Re: PAYMENT DETAILS
From: reverendchapis@gmail.com
I called western union now and they made me know that there is no money in the Mtcn you gave me.
Regards

MY RESPONSE:
Shocking - maybe you misread the number? I just confirmed that the MTCN is correct and has $1000 ($300 for Dumbassia, and $700 for your important mission). Did you use the correct name, Reverend Chapis?

Date: Thu, 23 Apr 2009 13:42:32 -0700
Subject: Re: PAYMENT DETAILS
From: reverendchapis@gmail.com
Ok i tried calling you but you are not picking your calls,please email me the MTCN again and also you can call western union to make the money available for pick up.
Regards

MY RESPONSE:
Golly, looks like I accidentally typed the number wrong. It is: 2989115517! So close! If I were you I would just go ahead and have the shipping agent send Dumbassia to me, so she won't have to suffer in the weather in Nigeria any more. We can always work out the issues with Western Union later, know what I mean? Besides, she needs to be here by Saturday for the ritual! Please do not delay any longer!
Thanks - Cynthia

Date: Thu, 23 Apr 2009 13:59:17 -0700
Subject: Re: PAYMENT DETAILS
From: reverendchapis@gmail.com
Please i will like to talk to you on phone get back to me with a direct phone number where i can call you on.
Regards

MY RESPONSE:
Reverend Chapis,
Unfortunately, the phone we keep here at the compound is only for use by the High Lord Voldemort. I am not at liberty to ask him for permission to use it. I'm sure Western Union will confirm that the money is available now that I've sent the correct MTCN!
Thanks - Cynthia

Date: Thu, 23 Apr 2009 14:09:11 -0700
Subject: Re: PAYMENT DETAILS
From: reverendchapis@gmail.com
can you attach the western union confirmation receipt.
regards

MY RESPONSE:
Yes, yes I can.

Date: Thu, 23 Apr 2009 14:13:15 -0700
Subject: Re: PAYMENT DETAILS
From: reverendchapis@gmail.com
ok i will want you to attach th receipt for me so that i can have it in my file as proof of payment.
Regards

MY RESPONSE:
Reverend Chapis,
I printed out the receipt and tried to staple it to the email but it didn't stick. Now my computer screen looks funny. What have you done!?!? Western Union assures me that the money I sent is ready for you to pick up. Have you sent Dumbassia yet? May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
Thanks - Cynthia

Date: Fri, 24 Apr 2009 08:52:33 -0700
Subject: Re: PAYMENT DETAILS
From: reverendchapis@gmail.com
you did not send any money collect your money and go to a grocery store and resend the money.
Regards

MY RESPONSE:
Reverend Chapis,
You'll be happy to know that I went to the grocery store because we needed paper towels, clorox wipes, duct tape, onion soup mix, elmo sippy cups, rope, milk, lunch meat, chloroform, diapers, wet wipes, bananas and blueberries. They also had a great sale on dog beds - $16.99! What time will Dumbassia arrive?
Thanks - Cynthia

Date: Fri, 24 Apr 2009 15:21:51 -0700
Subject: Re: PAYMENT DETAILS
From: reverendchapis@gmail.com
The money can not be confirmed,i will want you to know that she has been shipped and what is delaying now is that i have not gotten the money,please go to a western union outlet to resend the money and they will give you new Mtcn number.
Regards

MY RESPONSE:
Reverend Chapis,
We received Dumbassia on Saturday morning just in time for the day of holy sacrifices! The jar was just the right size! Guess there's no reason to send you the money now - SUCKER!!!

Scamming the Scammer pt. 2

Date: Thu, 23 Apr 2009 11:44:45 -0700
Subject: Re: PAYMENT DETAILS
From: reverendchapis@gmail.com
Thanks for the email,i will want you to know that you can change the name quincy to what you feel like and also you can send the money with my name as soon as you send the money let me know. God Bless You

My reponse:
Rev. Chapis,

Wonderful! I feel much more secure knowing that I can use your name as I have considerable trust in you! I went to the western union website and sent the money. I hope you don't mind that I added a little extra to help with your mission in Nigeria. I sent the money to you, using the address I already sent you, and all of the information you provided. The MTCN is: 2989115571, the amount is $1000. Please send Dumbassia as soon as possible, as our holy day of sacrifice is this Saturday. We can't wait to ambush her!

Thanks - Cynthia

Nigerian Puppy Scam - Now Scamming the Scammer!

John and I have been looking for a dog, and thought we had found a great deal on an Irish Wolfhound last week. I quickly figured out that what I was actually dealing with was a Nigerian Puppy Scam. Basically, they list a purebred puppy at a REALLY good price (in this case $300) and say it includes shipping if you'll just adopt a puppy who needs a good home. In my case, the 'breeder' Sonya Burton said the owner of the dog had been sent to Nigeria as a missionary and asked me to contact him directly. I contacted Reverend Chapis to ask for more information and was pretty shocked when he offered to send me his baby (the puppy) without asking any questions about me, as long as I would send him the money. He also wasn't forthcoming with answers to my questions like: What is her name? What is her coloring? etc.
Anyway, with the input of some buddies at work, I've been messing with them a little...Bwa-hahahaha. There's nothing I can really do to stop him, so I'm just wasting his time and having a little fun while I'm at it.
Here is the first one from the Rev (reverendchapis@gmail.com):
First of all, I must thank my living Lord that I found an intendingparent for my baby, I also give thanks to the breeder that directedyou to me. I`m giving her out for adoption. She is 12 weeks oldcurrently and Akc registered with all her shots are up to date. she is$300 shipping included. I got relocated to westafrica recently and could not take care of the baby anymore. I want agreat home for her because she is my real baby. The weather here isnot conducive for her that is why I want to get her out as soon aspossible and I will be very happy if you will be one to take her asyour baby. I never wanted to give her out but the weather here in WestAfrica is not helping matter at all. If you are interested kindly getback to me with your full shipping information such as the following:Full name...................Address.....................Phone Number................City......................State.......................Zip Code......................Nearest Airport........... So that i can forward it to my shipping agent for shippingarrangements to commence pending when payment is made. Get back to meas soon as possible

So I said:
> My husband and I are very excited to adopt your dog. I do have some further> questions before I send the money. What is the dog's name? What is her> coloring? Do you have some pictures you could send? If she is sent from> Africa, will she need to be quarantined? I would like to let you know that> although we do perform ritual animal sacrifices, your baby is not intended> for this purpose. Also, will you accept paypal?

His response:
Hello Cynthia, Am sorry for the late response,i was in a missionary field that iswhy am unable to get back to you,meanwhile i will want you to knowthat she is akc and ckc registered and she will be coming with all herpapers so she does not need to be quarantined,meanwhile i will wantyou to go ahead and email me your full shipping information.information such as the following:Full name...................Address.....................Phone Number................City......................State.......................Zip Code......................Nearest Airport........... So that i can forward it to my shipping agent for shippingarrangements to commence pending when payment is made. Get back to meas soon as possible

Mine:
> I'm glad that you don't seem bothered by the ritual sacrifices at all - we> were worried that you may not want your baby in the house of people like> us! We still want to know what her coloring is, as we do not allow anything> white to enter our home.>> My name: Cynthia Delaney> Address: 1600 Pennsylvania Ave.> Phone Number: 212-420-8800> City: Toad Suck> State: AR> Zip Code: 72032> Nearest Airport: Texarkana Regional Airport>> Does the dog have a name? Also, what blood type are you?

His:
I am very happy to find someone like you for the puppy...Her name isQuincy she is well trained and well animated that she will keep youand your family entertained for hours...You can go to western unionand send the money now the puppy will arrive to you first thing OnThursday morning and it will be by next day delivery i will forward youthe shipping information after the shipment of the puppy has takingplace,below is the western union information: Here is the information where payment will be confirm by western union below... Receivers name :MADE GODWIN Address :10 Creek Road , Apapa,Lagos , Nigeria . 23401 Text Question : The Lord Is GoodAnswer :All The Time Get back to us with the western union money transfer details forconfirmation immediately you have the money sent ..Details like ..... 1 . Sender's Name and Address Use In Sending The Money 2 . Receiver's Name ...........(MADE GODWIN)3 . MTCN (Money Transfer Control Number ) 10 DigitNumber ..........4 . Test Question And Answer ( Question :The Lord IsGood / Answer:All The Time5 . Total Amount Sent ..............Should be $300 Once you get back to me with all this information the puppy will beshipped to you immediately and i will forward to you the trackingnumber and some other details.God bless you and I will always remeber you in my daily prayer.Thank you very much and God bless you and your family too. God Bless You

Mine:
Rev. Chapis,

The oracles have shown me that a dog with the name Quincy may bring bad luck. Would it be possible to change her name to Dumbassia? She must be shipped as such or we cannot possibly accept her into our dungeon. Also, I am concerned about sending the money to the person you named below, as you and I have already formed a special bond. I'll send it to you, Reverend Chapis, instead of Made Godwin, ok? Thank you again - we can't wait to add Dumbassia to our collection. Now if I can only find a jar large enough...

Thanks again - Cynthia

The picture above is of the puppy we adopted from a local shelter yesterday, we named her Sookie Stinkhouse and she's a doll!

I'm in love...

Thanks to Amanda for introducing me to www.librarything.com! The site allows you to catalog all of your books, which leads to recommendations and connections with other people with similar taste. I'm a complete addict!

Starving Toddler Forced to Eat...

Crayons!

K Snarl Painting!

We commissioned a friend of ours, Cabe Booth, to paint a picture of Killian using the snarling K pic I posted below. This picture doesn't do it justice, it turned out great! His rates are VERY reasonable and he paints incredibly fast. Here's his website if you're interested: http://www.talentdatabase.com/channels/1-Art/profiles/456901-Cabe-Booth

And here's a shameless promotion of swagbucks, because if you join, I can win more stuff! Mwahahahaha... ;)